Bad Mermaids Page 10

  29

  Hilma on the Chomp

  ‘Can we catch diseases down here?’ Hilma asked as she and the five little mermaids swam into the Chomp tunnel. They were safely positioned in an alcove, which was filled with troughs of seaweed mulch to feed the crocodiles. It smelled like seahorse sick, and the familiarity of it made Hilma slightly miss Beattie and the others, and also made her gag.

  ‘The mercats like the mulch!’ one of the little mermaids said, as the whole lot of them wriggled out of the seaweed basket and dived into the stuff.

  ‘Wait. A. Second,’ Hilma said, grabbing the edge of the trough and gripping it so hard her knuckles cracked. She rolled her eyes and sighed. ‘All the mercats are here.’

  ‘But Conrad’s one is missing,’ the little mermaid with the basket said. ‘Look – one, two, three, four, three.’

  ‘No,’ Hilma said through gritted teeth. ‘One, two, three, four, five.’

  ‘Oh!’ the little mermaid said. ‘They’ve been here all along. We just counted them wrong!’

  ‘Oops,’ Conrad said.

  ‘THIS HAS BEEN A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME!’ Hilma scoffed. She stared at the only little mermaid still wearing a brown cap. ‘Though I have managed to rid you all of the horrible brown hats, which is so brave of me. Give me that last one,’ she said, snatching it off the little mermaid’s head.

  She turned to the trough, readying to give it a good dunk in the seaweed mulch, when –

  ‘Oh, look!’ Conrad cheered. ‘A REAL LIVE CHOMP TRAIN! And a mermaid is swimming above it!’

  Hilma looked up and her mouth fell open. ‘BEATTIE?!’

  The Chomp train’s horn sounded. Lights flashed in the tunnel. Hilma looked down at the brown hat and smirked, before swimming up in the alcove, leaning over and –

  30

  The Chomp Chase

  FIVE MINUTES EARLIER …

  The ground beneath Flubiére cracked, knocking over buildings nearby and sending crocodiles spinning in all directions.

  Susan Silkensocks laughed as she and Zelda watched the Flubiére building float up past them to the surface. ‘Well, those little removal gadgets I stuck to the bottom of the building worked a treat! Thanks for making me small – it was so much easier to do it undetected that way. It lasted the perfect amount of time, and then POP! I was back to my normal self.’

  Zelda groaned.

  ‘I’ve got boats coming to pick everything up soon,’ Susan Silkensocks boasted. ‘I just said, Look out for the floating buildings! And you, with your flick of hair, shall be my first mermaid on show in Mermaid World.’

  Zelda wriggled and tried to get away, but it was no good. Susan Silkensocks had strapped her tightly to her high-tech fake tail.

  Down below, Beattie and the others watched in horror as promotional pufferfish spilled out of the tower.

  ‘There’s going to be a lot of homeless promotional pufferfish,’ Gronnyupple said.

  ‘Nightmare,’ Steve said.

  Beattie looked up at Susan Silkensocks and clenched her fists.

  ‘YOUR SHRINK SPELL ONLY HELPED HER!’ Zelda yelled down at Gronnyupple.

  ‘GIVE MY FRIEND BACK!’ Beattie shouted up at Susan Silkensocks.

  Paris shook her necklace four times and morphed from a dolphin into a shark. ‘Let’s do this, Beattie,’ she said. But it of course came out as ‘GNASH, GNA-GNASH GNASH’.

  Beattie raced on ahead of Mimi and Paris, weaving in and out of the crowds of mermaids who had been woken by the noise and were fleeing Emerald Cove.

  Susan Silkensocks looked back and laughed when she saw them coming. ‘Oh please,’ she scoffed as she ducked into the Emerald Cove Chomp station.

  ‘She’s taking Zelda underground!’ Beattie cried, diving in after them.

  ‘NO SHARKS ON THE CHOMP!’ an angry mermaid shouted as Paris bit her way through the Chomp token treasure chest and charged after Susan Silkensocks.

  They swam through the tunnels, Susan’s laughter echoing around them.

  ‘LIMITED SERVICE TO SALTMONT TODAY,’ a voice boomed. ‘EMERGENCY TRAINS VIA NIBBLEHOLLOW. PLEASE BE ADVISED, DUE TO A CRAB PROBLEM, YOU TRAVEL AT YOUR OWN RISK.’

  Beattie bounced off a Chops & Slinky poster and went tumbling down one of the tunnels, emerging at a platform packed with mermaids trying to escape the chaos in Emerald Cove.

  ‘NIBBLEHOLLOW STATION IN ONE MINUTE FROM PLATFORM FOUR. FAST CHOMP TO NIBBLEHOLLOW.’

  Beattie looked through the old stone archways to the other packed platform. Which one would Susan Silkensocks be on? She began weaving through the crowds.

  The station rumbled and the Chomp chugged into view.

  ‘Beattie!’ Paris cried, as she morphed back into a mermaid. ‘Are we getting on this one?’

  Mimi hovered over the crowds on platform four as the train for Nibblehollow arrived.

  Beattie gulped. She didn’t know what to do! She couldn’t see Susan Silkensocks or Zelda. How would she know which train she was going to take?

  ‘TRAIN NOW LEAVING PLATFORM FIVE IS THE LAST TRAIN TO SALTMONT STATION. LAST TRAIN TO SALTMONT.’

  Beattie pushed past mermaids, knocking newspapers out of hands and spilling foam shakes.

  ‘What do you want to do?’ Paris called to her.

  Beattie swam the length of the platform, trying to spot Susan Silkensocks inside the train.

  The Chomp doors closed.

  ‘NEXT TRAIN TO LEAVE ON PLATFORM FOUR WILL BE THE FAST TRAIN TO NIBBLEHOLLOW.’

  Beattie darted to platform four and scanned the crowds. She didn’t seem to be there either! She swam back to Paris and Mimi and the three of them watched as the other train sped out of the station.

  ‘She’s not on either of them,’ Beattie said, just as she spotted something.

  Smooshed in the last carriage, between the old lady with her sea cucumber and a group of worried-looking mermaids with Chops & Slinky T-shirts –

  ‘THERE!’ Beattie cried.

  Susan Silkensocks waved triumphantly as she went past.

  ‘SHE’S ON THIS ONE!’ Beattie roared, charging after the Chomp.

  Paris shook her necklace and morphed into a shark.

  They shot off in pursuit.

  ‘WE CAN’T LOSE THEM!’ Beattie shouted. But she was losing them. No mermaid could swim at Chomp speed! She flicked her tail as fast as she could, but it was no good, the distance between her and the Chomp was growing longer. Paris the shark barged past Beattie and shot forward, grabbing the very edge of the Chomp in her teeth. It rattled precariously, making a few teeth ping out.

  Beattie and Mimi lunged for Paris’s tail and held on tightly as the Chomp thundered through the tunnel.

  They veered left and right to avoid being propelled into the lumpy rock walls, swirling around and around in the tunnel. It was like an intense game of shockey.

  ‘You know who would be really good at catching this train with Zelda on it?’ Mimi said airily.

  ‘No, who?’ Beattie said.

  ‘Zelda.’

  ‘Thanks, Mimi,’ Beattie said through gritted teeth.

  There was a chomping sound. Beattie spotted someone up ahead. Someone with a very large hat and shoulder pads.

  ‘Hilma?’ Beattie rasped in complete disbelief as the figure swam up higher. Beattie tried to get a better look, but she was going too fast. She shot past and felt something land on her head.

  ‘I THINK HILMA JUST PUT A SMALL BROWN CAP ON MY HEAD!’ Beattie cried, ripping it off and batting it away with her tail.

  ‘MAYBE IT WAS A GOOD LUCK HAT,’ Mimi said before roaring ‘TUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRN!’ as they hurtled towards a sharp curve in the tunnel.

  But it was too late. The Chomp pinged from Paris’s shark teeth, sending her somersaulting into a wall. Beattie panicked and shot upwards, bashed off the top of the tunnel and was whipped sideways between the carriages. She curled into a ball and rolled into a Chomp crocodile’s mouth.

  ‘Excellent driving,’ she said sheepishly
as it spat her out. She tumbled backwards and watched the train speed off.

  ‘Just great,’ she grumbled, dusting herself off.

  ‘Another one!’ Mimi shouted from up ahead. Beattie turned round to see another Chomp train hurtling towards her, only this was an older model – and it was taller and wonky, with little crabs crawling all over it.

  OUT OF SERVICE flashed on the front of it.

  There was nowhere to go – either get squashed at the top or squished at the bottom.

  Paris the shark flew past her, right at the train!

  ‘DON’T!’ Beattie cried. ‘YOU’LL HURT YOURSE–’

  Paris bit straight through the roof of a carriage.

  ‘Oh,’ Beattie said. ‘Good idea.’ She shot up and climbed on to Paris’s back, soaring fast through the tunnel and over the old out of service Chomp.

  ‘OVER THERE!’ Mimi cried, dangling from Paris’s tail.

  Beattie squinted into the dark tunnel – she could just make out the Chomp carriage Susan Silkensocks was in. She patted Paris.

  Paris shot forward, jaws wide, and with an almighty crunch ripped the roof cleanly off.

  ‘WOO HOO!’ Beattie cried.

  Susan Silkensocks began hurriedly making her way through the carriage, elbowing people out of the way. Zelda was still strapped firmly to her fake tail, being batted by stray mermaid bags and big hats.

  But Paris was closing in – taking chunks out of each Chomp carriage as she went.

  ‘Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry,’ Beattie whispered down to each carriage. The mermaids stared up at them in silence.

  The tunnel opened on to a platform.

  ‘Nibblehollow!’ Beattie shouted as the Chomp screeched to a halt in the station, sending mermaids scattering.

  Beattie looked around frantically. ‘THERE!’ she cried, pointing at the opposite platform. ‘She’s heading for that platform!’

  ‘THAT ONE IS FOR THE CHOMP TO SALTMONT!’ cried a familiar voice behind them.

  They all turned to see Gronnyupple floating behind them.

  Her timing couldn’t have been worse. When they turned back round, Susan Silkensocks and Zelda were gone.

  ‘Wait,’ Beattie said. ‘Where did they go? No train picked them up.’

  Paris shook her necklace with her shark teeth and morphed back into a mermaid. ‘Did you see where she went, Gronnyupple?’

  ‘No, but I have an idea!’ she said, rummaging around in Paris’s backpack. She pulled out a tiny green shell. ‘This is Shell Talk.’

  She opened it up to reveal a little pearly screen.

  ‘All I have to do is put some sharpits in this slot here, shout “SUSAN SILKENSOCKS” and we can communicate with her.’

  ‘She’ll be able to hear us?’ Beattie asked.

  Gronnyupple dropped some sharpits into the slot and handed it to Paris. ‘Better than that – she’ll be able to see Paris. When you talk into the shell compact, your face appears on the side of the fish nearest to the person you’re calling.’

  Paris looked concerned. ‘She’ll be able to … see me?’

  ‘Exactly,’ Gronnyupple said. ‘She’ll see you, stop dead in her tracks and start talking. Beattie, Steve and I will swim around and listen out for her voice.’

  Paris straightened up and looked into the shell compact. ‘Let’s do it.’

  ‘SUSAN SILKENSOCKS!’ Gronnyupple roared.

  Deep inside the Chomp tunnel that led to Saltmont, Paris’s face appeared on a large flat fish swimming next to Susan Silkensocks. Her voice echoed throughout the underground Chomp network.

  ‘MOTHER! SOCK! … I mean, STOP!’

  31

  Paris on a Fish

  Susan Silkensocks stopped dead in her tracks. ‘Paris?’ she said, swimming closer to the fish. ‘Your face … it’s on a fish.’

  ‘MOTHER, LET THE MERMAID GO.’

  Zelda tapped her on the shoulder. ‘Your daughter’s face on a fish has spoken.’

  ‘Paris?’ Susan Silkensocks said again, this time prodding the fish.

  ‘Listen,’ Zelda said. ‘It’s time to stop. I appreciate that you are incredibly entrepreneurial – and I admire that. It’s been very interesting hearing your plans and ideas for Mermaid World, but we are living things, and you seem to have forgotten that. Also, some of us are magic. And dangerous.’

  Susan Silkensocks raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you magic?’

  Steve came charging through the tunnel. ‘Sensitive subject, Susan!’ he cried. ‘Sensitive subject!’

  Beattie, Paris, Mimi and Gronnyupple emerged from the shadows.

  ‘Paris!’ Susan Silkensocks cried. ‘You’ve got a mermaid tail too. Did you also sell your kidney so that experimental company would make one for you?’

  ‘Nope,’ Paris said. ‘I was just nice and befriended a mermaid.’

  ‘The mermaid queen I fishnapped?’ she growled.

  Paris nodded. ‘But really I did it for your own good. You don’t want to be a villain. You make socks. Mermaid World might sound fun to you, but imagine if these mermaids kept you in a cage as a human so they could all look at you.’

  Susan Silkensocks clenched her fists. ‘BUT I WANT MERMAID WORLD!’

  A Flubiére pufferfish swam past, looking bewildered.

  Beattie grabbed it and tucked it under her arm. ‘What if you had something better than mermaids in tanks? What if you had – at the end of your pier – a magnificent shop that sold your favourite thing?’

  ‘How can a shop sell glory?’ Susan Silkensocks said. ‘Or winning?’

  ‘It can’t,’ Beattie said, pushing the pufferfish forward. ‘But it can sell Flubiére.’

  Zelda leaned close to Susan Silkensocks.

  ‘Take it or leave it,’ Beattie said.

  ‘It’s either Flubiére or we hand you over to her Royal Fishiness, Krilky Dragonholm,’ Gronnyupple said firmly. ‘And don’t let the emerald crown fool you – she’s tough, and she really likes sending criminals to Viperview.’

  32

  Party!

  Up and down the streets mermaids celebrated, taking big bites out of Jellywiches and drinking foam shakes. The unofficial crabagram crabs had been rounded up, buildings were no longer toppling, and the Chomp network was being mended – it would be back to its glorious gnashing self in no time.

  ‘What I want to know,’ Zelda said to Paris as they shared a Jellywich, ‘is why do humans wear socks and shoes and not just socks made out of the stuff shoes are made out of?’

  Paris burst out laughing.

  ‘So let me get this straight,’ Krilky said, a huge, proud smile smacked on her face. ‘You stopped the H-word and then, to convince her not to build Mermaid World on land, you said she could sell Flubiére.’

  ‘The only human in the world who will have it!’ Zelda said with a wink.

  ‘I’ll make sure she gets regular deliveries. Maybe I’ll send them by crocodile, so she knows I mean business,’ Krilky said.

  ‘It’s win-win for everyone,’ Beattie said. ‘Susan Silkensocks gets to show off to the other humans, and Flubiére gets extra business.’

  Krilky finished off her foam shake and rolled back on her tail. ‘Well done, water witches,’ she said. ‘I’m sure there was a way to do it without eating half a Chomp and destroying various buildings, not to mention thoroughly traumatising the crabs at Crabagram HQ, but still, you got the job done.’

  Gronnyupple came swimming up in a fluster, stopping momentarily to take a bite out of a Jellywich that was floating past.

  ‘My order didn’t arrive,’ she said. ‘I went to Eggport to pick it up. Nothing. Maritza Mist never fails to deliver a water witch catalogue order.’

  The floating phone next to Krilky started ringing. She lifted the receiver and a fish popped out and began spewing bubble words.

  ‘Urgent … news … Your … Fishiness … Just … in … from … the … spies … in … Fortress Bay … Humans … on … large … ships … were … spotted … They … were … later �
�� called … off … by … their … boss … a … human … they … called … Susan … Silkensocks … While … they … didn’t … end … up … doing … anything … to … our … kingdom … unfortunately … due … to … their … size … and … the … long … pincers … on … chains … that … they … dragged … under … their … ships … there … has … been … significant … damage … done … to … VIPERVIEW PRISON.

  ‘I’m … afraid … to … inform … you … that … security … was … breached … and … a … number … of … high … profile … prisoners … escaped … including … two … of … the … most … dangerous … mermaids … in … the … world … They … have … been … alive … for … over … a … thousand … years … and … yet … have … remained … eleven … years … old … It … is … said … that … they … are … immortal … and … judging … by … their … last … sighting … they … are … en … route … to … Frostopia.’

  Gronnyupple began choking on her Jellywich. ‘Maritza Mist didn’t deliver my order because she’s in trouble.’

  ‘We don’t know that,’ Beattie said, trying to comfort her. ‘She might be … on holiday.’

  ‘You don’t think it’s strange that two immortal mermaids, clearly water witches,’ Gronnyupple said, mouthing the ‘water witch’ bit, ‘were last sighted heading to Frostopia and now Maritza Mist isn’t responding to catalogue orders?’

  ‘Potentially …’ Beattie said. ‘But strange things happen all the time. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.’

  ‘I have to find her,’ Gronnyupple said. ‘Just to be sure. Water witches stick together.’

  ‘No one has ever found Maritza Mist,’ Krilky said. ‘She’s as mysterious as magic itself. And anyway, Frostopia is out of bounds, and has been for a long time.’

  Gronnyupple looked over at Beattie’s clam car. ‘Not to mermaids from the Hidden Lagoon it hasn’t. No one, not even the mermaids of Frostopia, knows that the Hidden Lagoon exists. If I was to go there in a clam car from the Hidden Lagoon, they might just let me in.’