Witch Switch Read online

  For Scullion – S.P.

  For Aunty Kay – L.E.A.

  Contents

  The Story So Far

  1 The Cauldron Islands

  2 Fran in a Caravan

  3 A Far From Fabulous Note

  4 Meanwhile, at Linden House …

  5 Cauldrons Ahoy!

  6 Twins and Squid

  7 A Lift from Lizzie

  8 The Sort-of Great Escape

  9 Clutterbucks!

  10 BOOM!

  11 The Secret Passageway

  12 Felicity Bat Makes a Plan

  13 Dribble

  14 Tiga and Fluffanora Also Make a Plan

  15 Shoeland

  16 Miss Flint

  17 No Such Place as Shoeland

  18 The Witch Trial

  19 TOE PINCHERS

  20 Oh, Fran!

  21 The Witch Trials

  22 The Eddy Eggby Photo

  23 The Mmmf

  24 Party at the Coves

  25 The Fairy Caravan Park

  26 Following Miss Flint

  27 Suspicious …

  28 The Bag

  29 Fluffanora’s Shoe

  30 Felicity Bat Figures it Out

  31 Inside Miss Flint’s House

  32 The Dress Plan

  33 The Dolls

  34 The Peggy Doll

  35 Bye, Desperate Dolls

  36 The ‘TV Show’

  37 The Lesson

  38 Celia Crayfish’s Playroom

  39 Slime

  40 Into the Forest …

  41 Pompom Hat

  42 To London!

  43 Bedford Square

  44 Delia’s Dolls

  45 NAPA

  46 Party!

  47 Gretal Green

  48 Desperate Dolls, Again

  49 That Apple

  The Story So Far

  Last time in Ritzy City:

  So you probably remember Fran the fairy zoomed up the sink pipes, told Tiga she was a witch and then whisked her back down to the capital of Sinkville, Ritzy City, to compete in Witch Wars.

  Tiga was delighted to be away from her evil guardian Miss Heks, who is all kinds of terrible.

  Before Witch Wars began, Tiga met Peggy, who promised to teach her some spells, and then they met Fluffanora, who at first seemed like she might be horrible but was in fact lovely.

  Felicity Bat and Aggie Hoof, two complete witchy pains, were also competing and they tried to knock Tiga out of the competition, and Peggy too, who they called Piggy, which is just rude.

  Fluffanora, along with fellow competitors Lizzie Beast, Patty Pigeon and twins Milly and Molly were all knocked out, which meant racing to the finish were Felicity Bat, Peggy and Tiga. Luckily, Peggy knocked Felicity Bat out of the competition! Much to everyone’s surprise.

  Tiga and Peggy then had to decide who was going to win, because there can only be one ruling witch – they each wanted the other to win, but Tiga knew Peggy had to win, it was her dream, and she had lots of great ideas to make Sinkville better.

  So Peggy became Top Witch and back up the pipes Tiga went, to confront the evil Miss Heks, who, she had found out, HAD BEEN THE ONE TO PUT TIGA FORWARD FOR WITCH WARS!

  Miss Heks had been one of the witches who left Sinkville during the Big Exit, when a bunch of evil witches left for a life above the pipes and took their houses and shops and all the colour in Sinkville with them. Greedy.

  Tiga was pretty sure she’d be stuck with horrible Miss Heks for ever, but then Peggy, Fluffanora and Mrs Brew came up the sink pipes and Mrs Brew said she would adopt Tiga and take her back down to Ritzy City where she belonged!

  Miss Heks was like, ‘SURE! Take her!’ or something like that. She probably said it in a much more evil way.

  Tiga put her pet slug in her pocket and back down they went to Ritzy City!

  When they arrived, everyone was talking about how the witch with the cart of disgusting hats had been very wrong. When predicting the winner of Witch Wars, she had said, ‘An elegant witch will rule this land, and that bossy one will lend a hand. Witch sisters, maybe, but not the same. One is dear, the other? A PAIN. And much like the tales of times gone by, they will find a sweet apple and my oh my is that the time I’d better go.’

  Everyone thought, because Peggy wasn’t really elegant as such, that the witch had got it wrong – and there was no bossy witch helping Peggy, and the apple bit made no sense. But when we left them, the witch with the disgusting hats was smiling. Why? Well, because she knew everything, and she knew exactly what was going to happen next.

  And what she knew was going to happen, happens to be happening RIGHT NOW.

  1

  The Cauldron Islands

  ‘I hate it here!’ Fluffanora roared, kicking her foot and sending an extremely sparkly shoe sailing across the room.

  ‘Frogs,’ Tiga groaned, as it hit her square in the face.

  They had been on the Cauldron Islands for two whole weeks and Fluffanora had been flinging shoes since they arrived.

  The Cauldron Islands were where the Brews spent their summers. It had once been home to all the cauldron factories, but since witches had stopped using cauldrons, except perhaps for storing shoes or hitting burglars with, the factories had closed down. Mrs Brew had bought the largest cauldron factory, Crinkle Cauldrons – they were the best cauldrons and you could tell them apart from other cauldrons because they had crinkly looking handles. A lot of witches had complained that the crinkle in the cauldron made it impossible to hold and so many spilled their potions and burnt their feet, but Tina Gloop, the owner of Crinkle Cauldrons, said they obviously just had wonky hands.

  When Crinkle Cauldrons had closed down, Mrs Brew had converted the factory into a huge summerhouse. A bunch of other Ritzy City witches read about it in Toad magazine and copied her, and the neighbouring islands were also revamped. The murky waters were cleaned up and Bubble Beach, owned by Berta Bubble, was soon peppered with holiday houses and fun little clubs, including the two most popular ones, the Hubble Hut, popular with the Brews and other witches from Ritzy City, and the Toil & Trouble Tavern, which was frequented by evil witches and the Pearl Peak families.

  Tiga and Fluffanora had peeked into the Toil & Trouble Tavern on the first day they arrived and spotted a bunch of witches twirling around in the middle of the room to a really evil song called ‘I Want To Curse Your Loved Ones’ by the Silver Rats, a weird band Fluffanora described as ‘complete slime’. Apparently they were Aggie Hoof’s absolute favourite band. Fluffanora had shown Tiga a picture – there were three of them, all dressed in tutus with chunky black boots, and they had little rat ears poking out of the tops of their hats and their faces were painted silver.

  The Hubble Hut was much better, and it served Clutterbucks drinks.

  ‘Tiga, is your head all right?’ Mrs Brew cried as she raced over to her.

  ‘I’ve accidentally hit her with seven shoes in the last two days,’ Fluffanora began.

  ‘Nine,’ Tiga said through gritted teeth.

  Fluffanora shrugged. ‘She’s fine. She has a strong head.’

  ‘Fluffanora,’ Mrs Brew snapped, ‘you have been behaving terribly.’

  ‘Well then, let me go back to Ritzy!’ Fluffanora shouted back.

  It was well known throughout Sinkville that Fluffanora was not a fan of the Cauldron Islands. Everyone knew this because Toad magazine had once featured an article called ‘Fluffanora Is Not a Fan of the Cauldron Islands’. It had described Fluffanora’s various attempts over the years to escape holidays there. There was the time she had 10,000 cats delivered to Bubble Beach and ran around screaming, ‘Oh no, the PLAGUE OF CATS! RUN, SAVE YOURSELVES!’ Or the time she paid the old witch with the cart of disgusting hats to walk up and down t
he beach shouting, ‘GENUINE HATS WHAT GOT STUCK IN THE PIPES! GENUINE HATS WOTS GOT STUCK IN THE PIPES!’ to annoy everyone. Fluffanora had even attempted to make cauldrons cool again, hoping that if cauldrons were in demand, they would need the Cauldron Islands’ factories back.

  None of her attempts worked. Especially not that cat one. Most witches would welcome a plague of cats. They can’t get enough of them.

  Unlike Fluffanora, Tiga loved the Cauldron Islands. There was so much fun stuff to do – like wartling (almost the same as snorkelling, only instead of a snorkel and mask you magic giant warts to cover your whole face, so you can breath under water). Tiga spent hours exploring the cool caves and underwater walkways below Bubble Beach. The weird thing was, there wasn’t a single fish, just lots of frogs dressed in different outfits – there was one in a stripy dress, and one wearing a small box hat. She did spot one frog dressed as a fish, sitting on a rock, sipping out of a shell cup next to a frog dressed as a mermaid.

  Mrs Brew had explained to Tiga that you would never find a fish near the Cauldron Islands. They had decided to swim away to the north of Sinkville, around the cove area, because they found the frogs insufferable.

  ‘PLEASE, can we go home? I want to go to Clutterbucks,’ Fluffanora begged.

  Mrs Brew shook her head. ‘You can drink Clutterbucks at the Hubble Hut. You need a better reason than that to go back.’

  Little did the three of them know, sitting in the cauldron-shaped post box outside was a letter containing a very, very good reason to go back …

  2

  Fran in a Caravan

  Fran was the first one to notice Peggy was missing.

  She had been stopping by at Linden House to ‘help’ (boss about) Peggy every day since she’d become Top Witch, suggesting changes like creating a huge statue of Fran, painting a gigantic mural on the front of Linden House (of Fran) and changing the name of the city to FRAN. However, there were two days when she hadn’t visited Peggy – and it was during that time that Peggy had VANISHED.

  It had been a particularly windy couple of days in Sinkville and Fran’s caravan, which hung precariously from a tree in Brollywood, had proved impossible to get out of – every time she pushed the door open the wind blew it shut again.

  She had tried 9,846 times to get out.

  She had even tried squeezing out of the tiny window, but her big beehive of hair wouldn’t fit.

  ‘HELP! I’M STUCK IN MY CARAVAN, MY ADORING FANS! GET ME OUT!’ she cried, but no one heard. Apart from perhaps Julie, who flew past a few times.

  ‘Is that you, Julie Jumbo Wings?! JULIE JUMBO WINGS?!’

  Julie had simply held her head high and carried on flying.

  According to her, she heard nothing.

  When the wind eventually died down, Fran emerged from the caravan, her hair all lopsided and her dress curled up in the corners like a disgruntled flower. She blew the piece of hair dangling in her face and shot off towards Linden House.

  She zoomed high over the Docks, which Peggy had got straight to work on when she had been crowned Top Witch. The Docks, where Peggy came from, had been a bit grubby but she soon fixed up lots of the houses – repairing wobbly floors and sewing holey curtains. And for the witches whose houses were beyond repair, Peggy had convinced Mrs Brew to donate beautiful shoes, and then she had done the shoe spell, which many witches all over Sinkville had watched her do during Witch Wars (‘Little laces and heels in a heap, make me a better place to sleep!’).

  As well as making some very nice shoe-shaped houses, Peggy had sat outside Linden House on the first day of her reign and asked witches to tell her what they needed help with and what they would like to see changed. She had helped lots of witches. Old Hilda Trip had asked for new legs because hers were very old and hurt when she walked too far. Peggy couldn’t really do anything about that, but she did make a very excellent flying armchair for Old Hilda. And a young witch called Alice Spoon said she’d really love to be a baker, but she didn’t know where to start, so Peggy got her an apprenticeship at Cakes, Pies and That’s About It, Really, the baker’s. Fran had asked for a National Fran Day. Peggy said she would think about it.

  ‘Peggy!’ Fran cried as she flew towards the window Peggy always left open for her, ‘I have been in the greatest of peril! I was stuck in my caravan for two days! With no access to my hairdresser!’

  She sped up, ‘Pegg–’

  THUD!

  The window was closed!

  Squeak

  Squeak

  Squeeeeak

  … went Fran, as she slid all the way down to the pavement, where she finally plopped into a little heap.

  She barely had time to be furious about the fact Peggy had closed the window when the door to Linden House flew open.

  Fran raised a finger, ready to give Peggy a good telling-off. But all she did was gasp.

  There, standing proud in all her evil glory, was none other than Felicity Bat. And next to her was her smug sidekick, Aggie Hoof.

  3

  A Far From Fabulous Note

  ‘What does it say?’ Fluffanora asked, eagerly peering over Tiga’s shoulder at the note she had pulled from the cauldron-shaped post box.

  Tiga shook her head in disbelief and read it out loud.

  Dearest Tiga,

  My hair is A MESS, my wing is slightly crushed, and there is also a third thing that is ALMOST as terrible as those things that I must tell you.

  ‘She’s run out of glittery dust, hasn’t she?’ Fluffanora said, rolling her eyes.

  Tiga carried on.

  I can’t find Peggy. Not only can I not find her but Felicity Bat has taken over Linden House! She and Aggie Hoof said Peggy left and put them in charge. Apparently she left them a note saying she was ‘going away with the fairies’.

  I immediately knew this was ridiculous nonsense. Why? Because the fairies are all far too busy to go away anywhere. Most of them are working on Crispy’s new horror film TOE PINCHERS, apart from Donna, who is just being lazy. And there is Julie Jumbo Wings … but Peggy wouldn’t go anywhere with her. And anyway, she definitely flew past my caravan yesterday and ignored my cries for help.

  I’m not sure what to do.

  COME BACK TO RITZY CITY.

  (Please also find enclosed a signed photo of my face.)

  Thank you.

  Your Very Fabulous Fairy,

  Fran

  ‘We must go back to Ritzy City right now!’ Tiga cried.

  Fluffanora practically exploded with excitement. ‘YES!’

  She raced upstairs to pack.

  ‘Wait!’ Mrs Brew said, waving a finger and gluing Fluffanora to the spot.

  ‘Unstick me!’ she shouted, trying to lift her feet off the ground.

  Mrs Brew sighed and studied the letter carefully.

  ‘It sounds like Peggy might be in trouble …’ Tiga muttered.

  ‘OK,’ Mrs Brew said reluctantly. ‘But I don’t want you travelling by road. If Felicity Bat is up to something, she will expect you to arrive in my car. I can’t imagine she will be pleased to see you. You should take the cauldron.’

  She flicked a finger and Fluffanora tumbled back down the stairs.

  Tiga raised an eyebrow. It was something she had been doing almost daily since arriving in Ritzy City. Most of the time she didn’t have a frogs what was going on.

  ‘I’ll send these two back to the house by road,’ Mrs Brew said, pointing at Tiga’s slug and Fluffanora’s cat, Mrs Pumpkin. ‘Mrs Pumpkin would only panic in the cauldron.’

  Mrs Pumpkin hissed.

  ‘FREEDOM!’ Fluffanora cried.

  She grabbed Tiga’s arm and dragged her along the crinkled corridor and out on to the crinkled patio, overlooking the not at all crinkled sea. Tied up in the corner was a large cauldron with a crinkled handle.

  A silky white sail was sticking out of the top.

  ‘Is that a boat?’ Tiga asked.

  ‘No, it’s a cauldron,’ said Fluffanora.

&n
bsp; 4

  Meanwhile, at Linden House …

  ‘I’m not sure how long we’re going to get away with this, Fel-Fel,’ Aggie Hoof said as she swept some papers and an old doll off the sofa, plonked herself down and flicked through the latest copy of Toad. ‘Did you know, Fel-Fel, that you can never have too many pairs of shoes? That’s what it says right here. It doesn’t matter that you only have two feet, you know. You can just keep … on … buying … shoes. Fashion never fails to amaze me.’

  Felicity Bat didn’t bother to answer. She was busy having her portrait painted by Lady Frank, who painted all the official Top Witch portraits. It was only a few weeks since she’d painted one of Peggy, who had tried to make her hair nice for it but had somehow managed to rearrange the hair completely so it was on her chin. It looked very much like she had a gigantic, fuzzy beard.

  Felicity Bat straightened her hat. ‘Make sure I look terrifying, Lady Frank.’

  Lady Frank nodded.

  ‘What if Tiga tries to find Peggy?’ Aggie Hoof asked. ‘Fran will definitely tell her that Peggy’s missing.’

  Felicity Bat cackled. ‘She won’t find her. Anyway, the precious Brew family are still on holiday in the Cauldron Islands and I have spies on the road. If Tiga comes back, I’ll know about it.’

  ‘What about Fluffanora?’ Aggie Hoof asked.

  Felicity Bat shrugged.

  ‘She really likes Peggy, too,’ Aggie Hoof went on. ‘And she really likes fashion, which is annoying because that’s my thing. And I do it better, don’t I?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ Felicity Bat mumbled as Lady Frank flicked her finger and sploshed more paint on the canvas.

  ‘What if they come here and I accidentally tell them that Peggy is hidden in –’

  ‘QUIET!’ Felicity Bat shouted. Aggie Hoof was so irritating and she didn’t need her any more, but she couldn’t get rid of her now. She knew too much …

  ‘I know,’ Felicity Bat said, snaking over to Aggie Hoof and putting an arm around her. ‘Because you love fashion so much, why don’t you become the editor of Toad magazine. That’ll show Fluffanora.’