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  Felicity Bat stared at them. Fran looked furious, Tiga looked miffed, Fluffanora looked so amused.

  ‘Oh, right, that,’ Felicity Bat mumbled. ‘Right, yes, please accept this pony as my apology.’

  She clicked her fingers and a gigantic horse landed with a thud in front of them. It had one big eye and one really small one, a singed mane and a fang.

  ‘MAKE IT GO AWAY!’ Fran cried.

  ‘Hilda?’ Felicity Bat said, patting its back. ‘She’s my horse. What’s wrong with her?’

  Hilda the horse lifted a spiky hoof and waved it in their direction.

  Tiga and Fluffanora took a step backwards. Fran burst out crying.

  ‘Oh,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘… More like this?’

  There was a pop and Hilda vanished in a puff of smoke. When she landed back with a thud she was a gigantic fluffy white pony with huge kind eyes.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Fluffanora growled. ‘You think because it’s fluffy we’re going to be like –’

  ‘SO CUUUTTTEEEEE!’ Fran cried, zooming towards it and cuddling it. ‘So cute, so cute, so cute.’

  Felicity Bat shot Fluffanora a see face. ‘Your name is Fluffanora,’ she couldn’t resist adding.

  ‘I made it up when I was four!’ Fluffanora said. ‘I LIKE IT.’

  ‘She doesn’t really,’ Fran whispered in the pony’s ear.

  Tiga shook her head. ‘This is the worst apology of all time. You’ve come in here with a horse, insulted us – is this what you call a sorry? Just say sorry, Felicity.’

  Felicity Bat swallowed hard and looked like she was going to vomit. ‘I’m … suuuroorry.’

  ‘You’re surory?’ Tiga asked. ‘S-o-rry. Say it, s-o-rry.’

  ‘Sworry.’

  ‘SORRY!’ Tiga shouted.

  ‘Sorrrty,’ Felicity Bat said.

  ‘SOOOORRRRRRRYYYYY!’ Tiga bellowed.

  ‘It’s OK! I forgive you!’ some random witch from outside shouted.

  ‘Sor–’

  ‘Ry,’ Tiga said.

  ‘She can’t say sorry,’ Fluffanora said, moving closer to Felicity Bat. ‘It’s fascinating.’

  ‘Ssss,’ Felicity Bat struggled. ‘Ooo.’ She gulped. ‘Rry.’

  The three of them clapped, which is all that’s needed to reverse a spell put on a horse, so Hilda morphed back into the scary, singed version with the weird eyes and single fang.

  ‘Baaaaaaah!’ Fran cried, before shooting into Sluggfrey’s doll’s house to hide.

  Felicity Bat levitated in the air. ‘We have to come up with a plan. We need to stop them before they take over. And for that, we need serious magic. Let’s meet somewhere tomorrow morning … I can teach you a thing or two.’

  ‘Where?’ Fluffanora asked.

  Felicity Bat shrugged. ‘We could meet here?’

  Tiga shook her head. ‘What if one of the Big Exit witches sees us with you?’

  ‘Good point,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘We need somewhere hidden. What about somewhere in Silver City? The NAPA magic is really strong and good, according to my gran.’

  ‘Too far,’ Fluffanora said. ‘We don’t have time.’

  Felicity Bat began to pace the room. ‘We need somewhere close by, where no witch goes …’

  Tiga imagined soaring around Sinkville, stopping at places and scoring them off her list as she went. Clutterbucks – too crowded. Brew’s – too obvious. Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really – too … delicious.

  ‘BROLLYWOOD!’ Fran bellowed.

  ‘Cameras,’ Tiga mumbled in her direction. There was nowhere in the land that she could think of … and that’s when she remembered …

  ‘I know what to do!’ she squealed, jumping up and down on the spot.

  Felicity Bat held out a hand as if she was waiting to receive Tiga’s answer like a present. She clicked her fingers. ‘Well … say it.’

  ‘The Sky Ports,’ Tiga said. ‘They were used by NAPA.’

  ‘The Sky whatas?’ Fluffanora said.

  ‘Sky Ports. I read about them when we were in Silver City at NAPA. Floating platforms above us in the clouds, hidden from view, remember? The witches at NAPA used them to monitor pipe activity. I’m pretty sure there’s one just above Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really. Let’s meet there.’

  Felicity Bat nodded. ‘First thing tomorrow.’

  ‘We’ll tell Peggy,’ Tiga said.

  Felicity Bat bit her nail. ‘We could do with some others. What are Lizzie Beast and Patty Pigeon up to?’

  Tiga grinned. ‘And Milly and Molly?’

  Felicity Bat smiled. ‘All of us. The Witch Wars witches. We’ll stop my ridiculous gran … See you tomorrow.’

  ‘Don’t be late!’ Fluffanora called after Felicity Bat as she levitated out of the window.

  ‘And don’t bring your pony!’ Fran shouted from the doll’s house.

  33

  Sky Port

  Tiga balanced on a box of carpet cleaner as she, Fluffanora and Peggy (they had chosen brooms) soared up into the clouds in search of the Sky Port. They’d bumped into Norma on the way, so she had joined them. Lizzie Beast and Patty Pigeon were following close behind on feather dusters.

  Tiga hadn’t had the guts to call Milly and Molly. She was kind of hoping Felicity Bat would …

  ‘It’s over here!’ Tiga cried.

  In front of her, she could see a cloud-shaped platform swaying slightly in the breeze. It looked like it hadn’t been used in years – the little station that sat on top of it, which was a bit like a rocket control room, was covered in flaked paint, and the door was hanging off the hinges. As Tiga got closer, she could see various objects that had dropped down from the pipes on to the platform – old toothbrushes, a sock …

  And Aggie Hoof.

  ‘I brought her too,’ Felicity Bat said quickly, as she appeared with a pop in front of Tiga.

  ‘Is she on our side?’ Tiga asked nervously. To be perfectly honest, she still wasn’t even sure if Felicity Bat was on their side …

  Felicity Bat cackled.

  ‘Well?’ Tiga asked.

  ‘She’s my sidekick, Tiga. She’s on whatever side I’m on.’

  Aggie Hoof nodded enthusiastically.

  ‘Right,’ Tiga said, as the others caught up with her. Milly and Molly appeared with a pop.

  ‘I told them to be nice,’ Aggie Hoof said.

  Milly and Molly grinned little fanged grins.

  ‘Everyone,’ Peggy said. ‘This is Norma Milton. Oh, Patty, you might know her – didn’t you say you were from the Towers, Norma?’

  ‘I am, yes! Hello, Patty,’ Norma said sweetly.

  ‘I don’t remember you at all,’ Patty Pigeon peeped.

  Felicity Bat clapped her hands. ‘NO TIME FOR PLEASANTRIES, WITCHES! Right, we have a gran problem. My gran. I can only apologise. To stop her, we have to hit her where it hurts.’

  ‘IN AN EYEBALL!’ Aggie Hoof yelled.

  Felicity Bat shook her head. ‘No, Aggie, that’s violent.’

  Tiga watched Aggie Hoof mutter, ‘I was sure that was the answer,’ to Milly and Molly, who both shook their heads at her in disgust.

  ‘No,’ Felicity Bat continued. ‘We have to hit her weaknesses. She has three.’

  Peggy was frantically scribbling notes in her notepad.

  ‘Her first weakness,’ Felicity Bat said, ‘is fire.’

  ‘Everyone’s weakness is fire!’ Peggy said, throwing her hands in the air.

  Felicity Bat continued. ‘Her second weakness is riddles.’

  ‘But she won Witch Wars,’ Tiga said, sounding confuddlewumped (a Sinkville term for confused).

  ‘She didn’t solve a single riddle in her Witch Wars contest,’ Felicity Bat said with a smirk. ‘She cheated, got the other witches to solve them and then squashed them all at the last minute!’

  ‘Well I’m confuddlewumped,’ Peggy said. ‘I thought Celia Crayfish was a genius?’

  Felicity Bat shrugged. ‘She is, bu
t she can’t handle a riddle.’

  ‘What’s the third weakness?’ Patty Pigeon asked sweetly.

  ‘Tall children,’ Felicity Bat said flatly, as everyone turned slowly to look at Lizzie Beast.

  She stared down at them and grinned nervously.

  ‘Right, first things first. We brush up on our magic. It’s ridiculous none of you can levitate,’ Felicity Bat said with a clap of her hands.

  The next couple of hours were a blur of Felicity Bat being really good at spells and all the others trying to copy her and being terrible.

  They tried a freeze spell, which just made Molly’s dress explode.

  And a melting spell that nearly took Tiga’s eye out.

  They also practised a spell that makes you invisible, which Patty Pigeon was excellent at.

  The last was a levitation class, which ended with Lizzie Beast’s head in a pipe and Peggy dangerously close to dying.

  ‘Again!’ Felicity Bat cried impatiently, over and over again, until finally …

  ‘We’re all levitating!’ Peggy shouted. ‘WE’RE ALL LEVITATING!’

  They linked arms and jumped off the platform into the clouds.

  ‘Onwards!’ Felicity Bat cried.

  ‘WE’RE WITCH WARS WITCHES!’ Tiga cried. ‘AND NO ONE MESSES WITH U–’

  Fran came soaring through the air and landed in Tiga’s mouth.

  ‘Mouth closed, dear, when you’re flying. Mouth closed.’

  Tiga gagged as she pulled Fran out of her mouth. The other witches cackled.

  ‘She said a couple of days,’ Felicity Bat said urgently to Tiga. ‘And that was a couple of days ago, so I think she’s going to start the takeover soon. Lots of the witches must be back by now. Let’s meet back at the Sky Port tomorrow morning. I’ll find out what I can in the meantime.’

  Tiga nodded. ‘Norma?’ she said. The witch was heading straight down. ‘Are you coming with us?’

  ‘Oh, I’d love to, but I have to meet a friend in Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really. See you tomorrow morning!’

  They all waved goodbye, apart from Felicity Bat, who stared back at Norma Milton. She thought there was something very funny about that little girl …

  ‘Do you want to come over to our house for dinner?’ Tiga asked Felicity Bat.

  Felicity Bat started mumbling awkwardly.

  ‘We’d like you to,’ Fluffanora added.

  ‘I’ve got to go do some ruling,’ Peggy said with a sigh before levitating off the platform. ‘WITCHES OF SINKVILLE! I’M LEVITATING!’

  Felicity Bat laughed.

  ‘I’m going to go home and organise my wardrobe,’ Aggie Hoof said.

  Lizzie Beast and Patty Pigeon had already made plans to have dinner at Patty’s house.

  Milly and Molly had sneaked off without saying goodbye.

  ‘What kind of food do you like, Felicity?’ Fran asked.

  ‘Oh, you know, old toes, frogs, rats’ tails, that sort of thing.’

  Tiga, Fluffanora and Fran just blinked at her.

  ‘I’m kidding,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘I eat the same kind of food you do.’

  ‘Are you a fan of Cooking for Tiny People?’ Fran asked Felicity.

  Tiga and Fluffanora stood behind Fran frantically mouthing ‘SAY YES’.

  ‘… Yes,’ Felicity Bat said.

  ‘Ooooh,’ Fran said, hugging Felicity Bat’s face. ‘I knew I liked you!’

  34

  Mrs Brew Stumbles

  Upon Something

  Mrs Brew paced back and forth. ‘It’s not like them to just disappear without telling me where they’re off to,’ she said to Mavis, who was making a Witch Box.

  ‘Mmm-hmmm,’ Mavis said.

  ‘I’ve searched everywhere,’ Mrs Brew mumbled to herself. She stopped dead in her tracks. There was only one place she hadn’t thought to look …

  ‘Back in a minute, Mavis!’ she shouted, darting out of the door. She took a few steps and held her breath.

  Miss Heks’s crumbling old house actually had cheese fumes coming out of the windows.

  ‘Excuse me, Miss Heks,’ Mrs Brew said loudly, bursting through the front door.

  When she saw what was inside, she SCREAMED.

  ‘Well, hello, Mrs Brew,’ Miss Heks said quietly.

  Hundreds of multicoloured witches with fang-filled mouths slowly got to their feet.

  Mrs Brew backed towards the door as they all advanced on her.

  Miss Heks flicked a finger and locked the door. ‘What a nice surprise …’

  35

  Mrs Brew?

  ‘That’s so weird,’ Fluffanora said. ‘I wonder where she went.’

  Mavis sat in the corner, shaking in her Witch Box.

  ‘DID YOU SEE MRS BREW, MAVIS?’ Tiga yelled into the box.

  Mavis momentarily lifted her hat to reveal her face, muttered, ‘No, I’ve been panicking,’ and hid again.

  ‘I’m sure she’ll be back soon …’ Tiga said, even though she wasn’t sure at all.

  ‘Your house is really nice,’ Felicity Bat said, looking up the beautiful sweeping staircase. ‘My house is nothing like this. Our staircase has bats carved in it, and everything is painted black.’

  ‘Sounds quite cool, in a creepy way,’ Fluffanora said.

  ‘What’s your mum like?’ Tiga asked.

  Felicity Bat shrugged. ‘She almost never speaks. I imagine that’s what happens when you grow up with a horror like my grandmother. I haven’t seen my mum in days. When we got word on Pearl Peak that the evil Celia Crayfish might be back, my mum was the first to run.’

  Tiga flicked her finger and a huge pile of jam jars landed in front of them. Felicity Bat picked one up and dug a spoon into it.

  ‘I just don’t quite understand how she plans to take over Linden House,’ Felicity Bat said between munches of jam.

  ‘I know,’ Tiga said, licking her spoon. ‘Isn’t Linden House protected by magic?’

  Felicity Bat nodded. ‘Only a nine-year-old who’s won Witch Wars can rule – and only for nine years. They can hand over power temporarily, but only to another witch of the same age. Strictly no oldies.’

  ‘She must have something up her moth-eaten sleeve,’ Fluffanora said.

  Felicity Bat got to her feet. ‘I’m being of no use, sitting here eating jam with you. I’m going to go find out how my gran plans to take over.’ And with that, she dropped the jam jar on the floor, smashing it completely, and soared out of the window.

  ‘She sure knows how to make friends,’ Fluffanora said with a smile.

  WARWOP!

  * * *

  Dear Fellow Panicking Witches,

  AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

  Hi.

  We have it on good authority Celia Crayfish is planning an attack. All witches who want to stop her by panicking should meet at Mavis’s jam stall (no cats left). It’s stall number 9.

  And now, a quick message from our fairy friend Fran:

  With a battle on the horizon, the fairies are ordering some new hats! If you would like a specially designed one for the occasion, please simply tick the message you would like on your hat below and then post this bit of paper to Fran at Fairy Five: Set 5, Brollywood, and one of my fairy assistants will take care of it for you.

  Fabulous wishes!

  Fran x

  HAT OPTIONS (please also specify if you’d like fairy-head size or witch-head size):

  Fly like a fairy, STING LIKE A BEE.

  I heart Fran.

  I WILL GLITTER-DUST YOU.

  I heart Cooking for Tiny People.

  TEAM NOT-CELIA.

  I Went To a Sinkville Battle and All I Got Was This FABULOUS Hat.

  I Want To Be Fran.

  36

  Norma Milton?!

  ‘And where have you been, Felicity?’ Celia Crayfish said, not looking up from the Ritzy City Post she was reading. The front-page story was WARWOP WITCHES FINALLY PANIC FOR A GOOD REASON: CELIA CRAYFISH ALMOST CERTAINLY BACK … FAIRIES
BUY HATS.

  ‘There’s panic out there, I can smell it with my good nostril,’ she said with a smile. ‘Where’s your idiot sidekick?’

  ‘She’s organising her shoes in order of heel height,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘Where’s Miss Eggweena Heks, your sidekick?’

  ‘Organising her cheese in order of stink.’

  Felicity Bat nodded sympathetically.

  ‘Um … Granny, Your Royal Evilness,’ she asked. ‘How are you going to seize power tomorrow exactly?’

  Celia Crayfsh took off her reading glasses and got to her feet. ‘Felicity, that is something you don’t deserve to know. Not unless you have that piece of paper for me?’

  Felicity Bat looked guiltily at her shoes.

  ‘Thought not.’

  ‘I … I tried really hard to get it, but I was just, well, there was a girl there called Norma Milton and she was quite good at spells and she … she overpowered me.’

  Celia Crayfish rolled her eyes. ‘You shouldn’t have been messing around in there. You should’ve got Norma Milton under control with a stun spell or something, not chased her down the corridor with your silly sidekick.’

  ‘I was trying really hard to – WAIT A MINUTE,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘How do you know we chased Norma Milton down the corridor?’

  Celia Crayfish stared at her, then rolled back her sleeve. ‘My all-seeing watch, of course.’

  ‘No …’ Felicity Bat said. ‘That watch is well and truly broken.’

  Felicity Bat took a step backwards. ‘And you have the glowing apple. A little helper got it for you, you said.’ She gasped. ‘Norma Milton is helping you?’

  It all happened too quickly for Felicity Bat to do anything about it. In a flash, Celia Crayfish darted across the room, flicked her finger, and a cage landed around Felicity Bat. She held her finger up to her mouth and flicked it again. ‘Never mess with the best, Felicity.’

  Felicity Bat grabbed frantically at her mouth, but no matter how loudly she shouted, no words came out.

  ‘And no, it’s worse than that.’ Celia Crayfish twirled around and with a bang was transformed into Norma Milton. ‘I am Norma Milton, and I’ve seen everything that you’ve been up to, Felicity. All your BETRAYALS and mess-ups. But now your meddling stops.’